It is easy to feel disappointment. In yourself, in others, in life. Situations that you were convinced were a sure thing falling apart at the last minute. Not being able to meet expectations set by others. Not getting that job, or the relationship failing, even getting back a poor grade. Disappointment happens but it shouldn’t be something that holds you back from living your life the way you want to live it.
I felt that this was an important topic for me to try and write about because I feel a lot of disappointment in my own life and it is not something that I really like feeling. So, why not try to talk it out (in a sense) and maybe help someone else. There is an element of expectations that I feel play a role in my own experiences of disappointment. From my parents only wanting the best for me but it turning stifling and impossible to reach. From others in society, telling me that I am not where I should be and that I need to catch up. From myself, not happy with where I am at or what I am doing. It feels so overwhelming and bombarding and stressful. It’s a lot to deal with. Especially when it is exasperated with anxiety and then it turns into an endless spiral.
Dealing with Disappointment:
It is important to remember that everyone… everyone feels disappointment from time to time. It is just a fact of life. If you haven’t… well then I don’t know. And it is also important to know that it is okay if you feel disappointed from an outcome not happening the way you intended.
Let yourself grieve.
Maybe grieve is too strong of a word for you, but let yourself feel bad, or sad, or angry. Let yourself experience the emotions that you are feeling. It is okay. You have to just feel it and let it play out in a healthy way. If you try to just bury and it move on and ignore it all that will do it let it build up before you explode or burn out and it won’t do you any good in the long run.
Acknowledge how you are feeling. Let them exist with you. They are only short term guests. There for the moment. Not for the long term. Remembering this will also help with the next step.
After giving yourself the time to feel all the feelings, check-in. Start looking at the situation and ask yourself ‘How bad is it really?’ And if it is bad bad, that’s okay. It just means this is the time to reevaluate some things. But maybe it isn’t the end of the world bad. Maybe it is just an inconvenience or frustration on top of another frustration that is making it feel worse than it really is. Try to remain objective.
It is time to take a step back and look at it from all sides. If you need to know, look for where things went wrong. Start thinking about what you should do/ need to do to avoid it happening in the future. Ask yourself what good (if any, I’ll be realistic) can possibly come from this. What have you learned about yourself, the things you liked or didn’t like. What you want to do in the future if the same or a similar situation arises, how will you face it.
Switch your Mindset.
You’ve let yourself feel all the bad. You’ve let your disappointment play out. Now it is time to look at the positive. You can’t let yourself get stuck in all the bad thoughts. You can’t let it bog you down and let you think everything sucks and that life is bad.
Trust me. I get it. It is so easy to feel that way and not want to consider anything else but you can’t let it. It’s not the end of the world even if it feels like it. Things can get better if you want them too. You’ve started reevaluating things, now it times to start trying them out. What will make things better for you? What can you do to help lessen the frustration or pain you are feeling?
Start planning your next step. You didn’t get that job you were sure you would. Okay, it sucks a lot but there will be another job out there for you. Maybe it will take some time but you can and will find something. Maybe this is a good time to pick up a hobby to help you de-stress when it all feels too much. Indulge a little.
Your relationship just ended. Maybe this is the time to take just for yourself. Build the relationship you have with yourself. Take yourself out to dinner or for a treat. Go on a short solo vacation. Learn to be your own person without someone attached to you.
You back a poor grade. Look at the remarks from the teacher/professor. Learn to ask questions, for help. Ask if there is something you can do to make up the grade. It is not the end of the world if you got one bad grade. If it seems like you are constantly getting back poor grades look at what you are studying and evaluate if that is where you should be.
I understand that sometimes it is hard to get out of that funk but it necessary to move on from the situation and feeling of disappointment.
So often it is easy for us to help another over our self in a situation like this. A friend or close family member with a situation like this but in turn, it seems impossible for us to do the same for ourselves. We don’t want to see our loved ones hurting so we will try and do what we can to help them heal and move on. But we won’t do the same for ourselves.
I know I do. The worst part is that I can recognize this behavior in myself. I can recognize the thought patterns and I can acknowledge that I should adjust them or change them but I can’t always. What hurts the most is wanting to change it but not feeling like you can.
But you can change it if you want to. You can take a bad situation and turn it good. It’s not easy, but it is possible. It is a learning process. Finding what helps you, what works for you. Letting yourself fall and stand back up. So, hopefully, the next time you feel disappointment, you’ll feel a little more in control and ready to deal with it.
I hope today’s post helped you in some way today.
Here are some other sources on ways to deal with disappointment that you might like to read.