boundaries

Boandries are something that I hadn’t really thought about a lot growing up. I understood the meaning of the word. I knew the definition, but it wasn’t until I was much older that I really understood what it meant to have boundries. Which is you know… not really the greatest. But from exposure to others and learning from mistakes, I have some better understanding on them and how to set them.

why you should have boundries:

For mental, emotional, and physical reasons. You are your own person. You are in charge of you. So you have to protect you. From others and from yourself. That is your responsibility.

the bad-

You need to be aware of ‘what makes you tick’ or what drains you more than something else. Only engaging with someone or something for reasonable amounts of times to protect yourself from burning out or falling into a bad state of mind.

Being stuck in certain situations or with people that drain you will not only impact your mental state but also your emotional. Have you ever had that one person that knows how to push every single one of your buttons and that can get you so wound up that you can’t do anything but feel defeated or angry or depressed?

And finally the most outwardly reason why you should have boundries is to give your physical being some protection. Right now because of the current world problems it is like 2% better becuase of the whole maintain 6 feet of distance between yourself and others. But even with that there are some who still don’t care. Before, during and for sure afterwards.

the good-

Having boundries will help you have better self-esteem. It will give you ways to maintian a better state of mind. It gives you ways to conserve your energy. It will give you protection from outside factors. They help create healthy and more stable relationships with others.

And the best part…

Boundries can change. That is allowed. That is a thing you are allowed to do. If you find that you want to or need to adjust something, you are allowed to do that.

who you should have boundries with:

And this does not apply to only romatic relationships, but also familial, friendships, and professional relationships.

  • Like friends who take advantage of your kind and caring nature and take and take and take until they don’t find you useful anymore before they drop you.
  • Friends who dump on you over and over with no reprieve or checking in you themselves.
  • Or family members who expect so much of you only to be disappointed when you don’t meet their impossible demands and who don’t hesitate to share that with you and others.
  • Family members who don’t care to ask about your wellbeing or plans and just expect you to drop anything and everything for them.
  • And bosses who know how good of an employee you are and take advantage of the fact that you’re less likely to stand up to them for fear of retaliation.
  • Or coworkers who will talk down to you or dump their own work on you cause they know you’ll take care of it.

These are the boundry issues I have dealt with the most.

Every relationship is a two way street. There are at least two people in every sort of relationship (I am excluding the relationship you have with yourself. That’s coming later). You and the other person ( or two or three others, you get my point). If you are the only one putting in any effort to communicate, to make plans, to decide things… Then you really don’t have a relationship do you? If you start to take all that responsibility all that extra stuff and they don’t give you any support or help, all that’s going to do is weigh you down.

For the boundries you set with yourself you really need to know yourself. You need to learn what you truly care about and what really matters. If you don’t give yourself any leway to just be or rest and relax from life you’re going to wear yourself out. It is your responsibility to respect yourself.

setting boundries:

Need to set them. Need to need to need to. I know it seems scary and you might think you’ll come off as selfish if you do actually tell a person “No, I don’t like that. Please don’t do it around me.” or just telling the person “No.” Because that is what we were raised to believe wasn’t it? We have to always be polite and respectful to those around us, who usually turn out to be older than us and then demand it. And then we get stuck in that ugly cycle.

If you don’t, it gives them the sense that it is ok no matter what and they will continue to do it. Sometimes this happens accidentally and they don’t intend to hurt you in anyway but it’s not like they know any better. And for someone else, they may not care in the slightest if it could affect you or not. That doesn’t matter to them. They only care about the advantage it gives them to take advantage of you. Because they know that you won’t speak up.

It is better to try and set these boundries right in the beginning when the action or behavior happens. But that doesn’t always happen. Just remember that you always have the right to say no. You always have the right to set your boundries. You can always change your mind.

You can say no.

Thank you for reading todays post! I hope it helped in someway. Let me know what you think in the comments below!

-Chelsea

Other Sources:

Here are a few web pages I recommend visiting for more information.

The No BS Guide to Protecting Your Emotional Space- Healthline

How to Set Healthy Boundaries: 10 Examples- PositivePsychology.com

7 Tips to Create Healthy Boundaries with Others- Psychology Today

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