… yeah. Dating. It’s a thing. A rather popular thing. A lot of people do it. That supposed ‘magical’ first date where you’re stepping into that unknown terriotry with someone you think you’d like to spend at least a good portion of your life with. And then it’s followed by another and another and you get the picture.
It’s not a thing I do. In my 25 years, I’ve been on one date. And it isn’t something I really like to think about or really talk about because it just wasn’t good. Nothing like super bad happened but it left me feeling uncomfortable and totally ok with putting dating on the back burner for the time being. This also meant that any sort of romatic relationship also got pushed to the back.
That was one romantic date. I’ve done plently of friend dates or study dates. I just had one where we baked brownies and ate probably too much mac and cheese. And we all worked on our own thing. I worked on a paper, my one friend helped me edit my other papers, and god know what our other friend was doing. It’s sciency and I don’t know if I would understand any of it.
It was nice. A little bake and study date. We even took a break to get slushies and stopped at the pet store to fawn over the animals. It was really nice. Got to hang out and spend time together and got a decent amount of work done.
But it wasn’t a “traditional” date. By no means was it a “traditional” date. And I don’t think these kinds of dates get enough credit. I think a lot people tend to over look them or dismiss them.
i don’t date
I don’t do romantic dates. I can’t. It’s really difficult for me and sometimes I wonder if people even understand that. Or if they think I am just making excuses. Also no real interest has been shown so… that’s also a thing.
But my friendships are important relationships to me. My friends are so so important to me. I never made friends easily, so the few friends I do have now and the friendships I have somehow managed to keep over the years are so so important to me.
I want to nurture these relationships, I want to spend time with them. I want to go out and do things with them. Experience things and all that fun stuff.
But then there is always a small voice in my head that likes to remind me that I am painfully (but not really) single and probably will be for a long time. And that most of my friends are in romantic relationships. And that I am alone. (I’m totally gonna adopt a cat when I move out.)
I think it’s partially pressure and expectations from society. Like I’m 25 I should have had at least one relationship. I should have done all these things that I haven’t. I feel like an anomly and sometimes judged by others when they realize I don’t share the same experiences they have. And it’s shitty. I don’t there there is anything wrong with how I’ve lived my life so far but sometimes I do. Some days are worse then others. But thankfully I don’t think about it that often. I can get away with going weeks without thinking about it, before some small, insignificant thing happens that brings it all back.
I have conflicted feelings about dating. I get why for a lot of people it’s a fun, happy thing. And maybe I’d actually like it. But I don’t know.
I feel like this post has tangeted a lot from what I orginally intended but I don’t think that is such a bad thing. Maybe I’ll just do a follow up post where I talk about what I wanted to orginally. Maybe I won’t. Who knows. I’ll figure it out eventually.
What are your thoughts? Share them below, let’s have a conversation.