Hey there beans~
I am having a bad head day. I feel stuck inside my head and all those persistent thoughts I shouldn’t dwell on. Well, I’m dwelling on them. Let me explain. I had planned on waking up this morning, heading over to the library and getting stuck in my course work. I wanted to be productive. I wanted to take advantage of a couple of hours before work and get my assignments and readings done.
Instead, I’ve been sitting here, a show playing and my mind slowly descending into chaos. I did try to work. I did open my course sites. Starting typing out responses to discussions, only to stop and erase everything because it wasn’t good enough. It’s never enough.
I have realized the past few times I have felt like this that the thoughts are always the same. Or at least very similar. They seem to stem from my own insecurities and fears. (Which makes sense duh) And think it’s a good thing that I am starting to recognize the pattern of thoughts. Because even though I can’t stop myself from having these thoughts I can help myself to get out of the cycle.
Intrusive thoughts are thoughts that become stuck and cause distress. They are generally extreme in nature. I don’t think what I usually experience are intrusive thoughts. I don’t think about myself in certain situations or acting out in certain behaviors. Mine are mainly thoughts about myself. Opinions or ideas of what others must think of me. What I think of myself.
That I’m not good enough. That no matter how hard I try it’ll never be enough. I’ll get lost in this cycle of back and forth of me never being enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not skinny enough. I’m not pretty enough. I don’t have enough experience. In work or in life.
It always comes back to that phrase of “Never Enough”. I was never enough for anyone else or myself.
creating new thoughts
That thinking needs to change. I need to change. Because I am enough. I don’t need to be anything more than I am for myself. And definitely not for another person. I am not perfect. I don’t believe in perfection. But I am enough.
And it was during my episode today that I realized that this is a step I need to take to try and help myself feel happier. I need to start working on my thoughts. I need to develop a way to fix my way of thinking. To stop getting so frustrated with myself.
This starts by recognizing the negative thoughts I am having.
Then working on adjusting my thinking. Changing the negative to positive. Working on not getting stuck in that cycle of negative thoughts. I don’t really know where to begin, but I thought writing it all out and sharing was an OK place to start.
And so this is where I am going to start. To stop myself when these thoughts start. And work on adjusting them. It is going to be hard. But it’s a start.
other ways to help~
Here are some other ways to help on those bad head days. Since mine usually starts with those unwanted thoughts, or just this dark cloud hanging above that I can’t seem to get out from under.
- Hot shower or bath. Use that bath bomb you’ve been saving. Put on a face mask. Have a cup of tea or glass of something something depending on the time of day.
- Read an old favorite. I have found that rereading one that you’ve read before and loved it almost feels like coming home. It’s comforting and on bad head days, comfort is what you need.
- Tea! I am a huge supporter of tea drinking. I know not everyone likes it and that’s fine but if you do I recommend keeping a special tea (it doesn’t need to be anything fancy) just for bad head days. But don’t let that stop you from having it other days.
- Watch a movie curled up under some blankets, with all the lights off.
Just remember on these days, you need to take care of yourself. You need to let yourself recover from this and not try and push yourself.
If you ever want to talk or just let it all out, I have a contact form here.
Remember you never have to be alone.