I’m Not Sorry Anymore

I am done feeling guilty for things that I fail at. I am done feeling guilty for not finishing something I started. I am done feeling sorry for myself. I am done letting guilt and shame dictate my moods and my life.

Yes, I have been off my blog for too long. But guess what? I work two jobs and am taking a summer class. Those are priorities for me right now. Yes, this blog means a lot to me but it’s not what I am building my future around. Finishing my master’s degree is my main goal right now.

No, I haven’t been able to maintain a healthy diet or exercise routine/plan. But just because it is taking me a bit longer to figure it out does not mean that I won’t some day. This is a learning process for me. I am learning. I am allowed to fail and change my mind and say fuck this I need a piece of chocolate.

No, I still haven’t finished the pieces I have on my looms. And I haven’t updated my Instagram’s in months. No, I haven’t read any new books lately. Yes, all I’ve been doing is binge watching CSI. (Finished New York and Miami, working through the original CSI now.)

I have learned the art of self deprecation. I am the freaking master of self deprecation. But that is not healthy. It is not good. And if I keep doing it like I do, Brittany is going to bite me again. I am trying to not, but it’s a learning process.

My Point

My point for this post is that it is OK that I didn’t keep with that diet/detox for longer than one day. And it’s OK that I keep trying new things to figure out what works for me.

I am allowed to change my mind. I am allowed to fail. I am allowed to be scared and fearful of change. As long as I don’t let that stop me from moving forward.

I am allowed to stop and start and stop and start. That’s life. I can’t keep beating myself up for stopping something. Because as lame as the excuse is, something got in the way. Something stopped me from continuing. Yeah maybe it was simply myself. I was having a bad mood or my mind got in the way. I am working on not listening to myself but some days it’s difficult.

Other times it’s school or work got crazy.

Life gets fucking crazy and sometimes you just can’t stop it. But you can keep moving forward. Don’t let it stop you from moving forward.

Moving Forward

I’ll stop rambling now. When I started this post I was feeling really down. I kept looking around and seeing all these things that I just up and dropped without a second thought.

And then I realized, who gives a shit? I can do whatever I want (within certain constraints). If that means I stop and start things, so be it. I have come to realize that I don’t like to keep going with things I don’t like or that I don’t think will work for me. So I stop them. I end it before I suffer more.

So if anyone reading this is feeling any sort of guilt or shame or whatever for not finishing something or for failing at doing something, take this as that sign you might have been waiting for that it is ok. You are human. We make mistakes. We can’t be perfect like dogs are.

Just be you. Keep living your life and doing all that you want. Try new things and then stop them if you don’t like them. Pick em back up a few months later. Just be happy.

~Chelsea

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